April 17

HONESTY MONTH: DAY 17: “It is naive to think that self-assertiveness is easy. To live self-assertively–which means to live authentically–is an act of high courage. That is why so many people spend the better part of their lives in hiding–from others and also from themselves.”― Nathaniel Branden

Yeah, this is so true. Everyone tells me or talks about being honest with others and that they want to stop being codependent and people pleasing, but I only know one person who is honest all the time. And willing to pay the price for that.

The rest just pretend they are doing that, but cannot fathom telling anyone the truth, except as manipulation and control. It is NOT about getting others to do what we want so that we feel better or have what control we want to have. It is about stepping completely into our own truth and living from that space.

I love my sponsor because she is totally in that zone. She is the only free person I know. There is no play in her with truth. She is completely authentic. And that is wonderful to experience and learn from. It means she is WAY less social than most people want to be. But even those who eschew social interaction are still codependent with relationships with family and friends. She is not.

I have a serious respect for her and never question what she tells me or asks of me. Her input has saved my ass from games so many times. I just do not want to play.

Inventories, literally hundreds of them (so far) have been the key to me recognizing immediately what is going on. I can build a case in 5 minutes, but have found that practice has taught me how to keep it on my side of the street. And any drama I try to create is so uncomfortable that within a few hours I am back on the page and getting real with ME, not you. It is not about what you do or don’t do. It is ALL about what I believe about that. I am not here to change you, but it may mean that I change my way of being with you…or without…happens and that is what I am here to learn. My teachers are many and that is okay, too.

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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