April 10

HONESTY MONTH: DAY 10: “Whether you try too hard to fit in or you try too hard to stand out, it is of equal consequence: you exhaust your significance.”― Criss Jami

This quote reminds me of the sadness I feel when I meet people who are so afraid of being left out, forgotten, or are in need of attention. It is a very common misconception that we need attention from others. That is not really true.

We are responsible for meeting our own needs. Even the therapeutic community has, in the past, been very guilty of saying that our needs have not been met by others. Perhaps as children we needed to feel loved and appreciated by others, but that can be a slippery slope as well.

Learning to be authentic and completely honest means that we learn to give ourselves what we need, whether it is attention, time, or rest, the responsibility lies with us. Needy people are those who run from one thing to another, one person to another, one relationship to another to get their gratification and experience themselves as whole. It does not work.

That is why the running is constant. Nothing outside of us can fulfill us or feed our spirit. As the saying goes, “It is an inside job.” Learning to be authentic is me standing on my own with only dependence on that Power to guide and lead me. This lesson keeps coming, in deeper and more wonderful ways every day!

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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