ACCEPTANCE MONTH: DAY 30: “A crucial element of the real self is its unconditional acceptance of itself.”― Michael Adzema
This quote intrigued me all month. I could not find a way to connect with it until this morning. And then it hit me. I love it when that happens.
We all know we are frauds when we are. I always knew I was dishonest, even with myself. I knew I was not living in integrity, but not sure how to go in that direction. I believed I was beyond redemption in that arena.
Then I got to this recovery thing and saw the steps and heard you folks talking about rigorous honesty. I felt doomed. The first time I could really hear Chapter 5 being read, I felt really doomed. I thought I might be “constitutionally incapable” of living with honesty. I have had the wonderful experience of doing just that for many years now.
I have had deep experiences of acceptance of myself. That is miraculous from any vantage point. It tells me that even when I was not sure this thing would grab hold in my life, it has. And I have run as fast and far with it as I can. That is astonishing when I remember my certainty that I might try it out, but that it would never become MY way of life.
Nor did I ever believe I could tell others those things that had happened to and for me…ever! And I do, all the time, without shame or anger or resentment. And SO much more has been revealed. That is the wonder of this process, which keeps going on…every day.
I am so grateful I never stopped working through these magnificent steps, never stopped digging deeper into the old ideas and the broken psyche of the person I had become. And finding that place of unconditional love and acceptance of what my heart holds. I am no longer a fraud. Isn’t that nice?