January 28

ACCEPTANCE MONTH: DAY 28: “We each appear to hold within ourselves a range of divergent views as to our native qualities.. And amid such uncertainty, we typically turn to the wider world to settle the question of our significance.. we seem beholden to affections of others to endure ourselves.”― Alain de Botton

When we feel insecure, we put a shiny cover on our face and work to be what others would like best in order to fit in. People pleasing is the attempt to make others think better of us than we do ourselves. We can twist ourselves into pretzel shapes, doing and being things that are not in our nature at all. The more we do this, and the longer we do this, the angrier we become.

This is the source of our “victimization” …that we somehow believe that if others think well of us; we will begin to as well. Backwards, but this is the way of Ego. All thinking is in direct conflict with the natural way of the Universe. Ego is constantly antagonistic to reality. The design of humans is such that what truly works best is the opposite of every tack the Ego has in its sad tool kit of dysfunctional Ego defenses.

The world is not going to applaud us when we are phony and pretend to be what we are not. Everyone knows what is up. We are always the last to see how our behaviors really look to the world around us and do not know how sad it is when we act inauthentically.

This will never satisfy our spirit, because we all know, in our hearts, that we are being phonies. And we believe we hate others for imposing their wills on us, but we are the ones that we hate the most, because we truly know who is at fault. So sad! There has never been a level of acceptance of ourselves that goes too deep.

No matter where we are in this process, Ego still fights the world for supremacy. Why? Nature of Ego. If I know this basic fact, I am armed with all I need to overcome this foe. I go to my heart, again and again and live into the truth I find there. Isn’t that nice?

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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