December 11

LOVE MONTH: DAY 11: “That’s what people do who love you. They put their arms around you and love you when you’re not so lovable.”― Deb Caletti

This kind of love is not where I thought I would find it. As advertised, family is thought by many to do this. Not in my experience. Most families have really twisted relationships with the word love and do things that are manipulative, harmful, and very conditional around it.

They often brow-beat and force other members to do what makes them feel better, not in the interest of the person who is in trouble.

I have found that most professionals, therapists, counselors, and those trained to be accepting of those of us who present themselves with broken lives are way more understanding and accepting of us. This is an important distinction, because we quite often repeat a pattern of dysfunction by taking our broken selves back to those who are not able to accept, understand, and especially give us love.

Some members of 12-step recovery can offer this, but it is still challenging because they are broken so often themselves. When looking for this kind of unconditional love and support, it is very important to find those who have learned how to get it and how to give it. We are human and many are still so broken they inflict more pain and shame on others with their prejudice and misconceptions of what love is and can be. We learn in these ways.

How to trust, whom to trust, and when to trust. I have been so blessed to be led, when I truly needed it, to those who could give me what I needed. Even those who were still broken gave me some benefits. I will always be grateful for the people I have been led to for this healing journey. What a beautiful thing it is, indeed!

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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