December 7

LOVE MONTH: DAY 7: “You say you love rain, but you use an umbrella to walk under it. You say you love sun, but you seek shelter when it is shining. You say you love wind, but when it comes you close your windows. So that’s why I’m scared when you say you love me.”― Bob Marley

This is a new quote for me this year. I liked it, because it really made me think about how often I say, “I love ______.” And it seldom is completely unconditional. I love my cat, but there are times when he is nothing more than a furry monster who bites and scratches when he is playing…watch out for that tail!

And I love purple, but not purple everything…for goodness sakes.

And I love my life, but it is sometimes painful and sad, and I have to work through that stuff. I love the ocean, but glad to be on dry land when it has big weather.

Isn’t this a fun idea? I can sit here and do this all day. So, we must really look at our idea of what we “love” in this world and see where our conditioning lies. There is a great deal of conditioning in all of us. And we all have very different ideas of what love is and how to express it.

I have always believed that it would be amazing…really, really AMAZING if we could sit down with a potential friend or lover and ask them some really hard questions right at the onset of our relationship with them. But we don’t, because we are SO busy trying to present a marketable and likeable version of ourselves. Very dishonest, but it IS human nature to do this. They figure it out pretty quickly anyway…haha!

But what if we discussed what we REALLY believe about love and roles we see each other playing in this thing and what our expectations are and what it looks like for us. I do this with my sponsees, but most of them cannot and do not really get into the job descriptions that they take on and want others to take on in their lives. We say we know what a wife or girlfriend or co-worker is, but do we? Not really. We make this shit up and then impose it on the other person in the name of love.

And THAT is where it all gets so horribly broken. They do not know what we are expecting of them. So we guess and try to figure it out. Yikes! An honest and open conversation about what we REALLY want from others would be so much easier. But none of us has the ego-less-ness to pull it off. Sad, really. I am with Mr. Marley…I get scared when some people say they love me. It is way out there in dysfunctional land and quite frankly, not what I want or need.

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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