September 24

FREEDOM MONTH: DAY 24: “The unhappiest people in this world, are those who care the most about what other people think.”― C. JoyBell C.

Yeah, that people-pleasing stuff will kill us! It never goes away, but we learn to live without having to participate so completely in behaviors that focus on making others happy at our own expense.

It has never worked, and it never will. No matter what you may tell me you want from me, you will never be satisfied if I am the one in charge of making you happy. I will be miserable, and your demands will escalate out of orbit.

That is the sickness of codependency and frustration and expectations. It is a common and frequent companion of addiction. And many addicts will live in the anger and passive-aggressive give and take of people pleasing for a very long time. They are miserable and so is the other party.

I am not here to make you happy. I am here to live my life and be happy because I am taking care of myself and my journey here. If you want to be a part of my life, you have only to take care of yourself and your journey. Period.

The music will play, and my feet will begin to tap their toes in anticipation of this dysfunctional dance all the time. But I have learned to not participate. I have had tremendous help with this over the years with teachers who were quite brutal. I would love to hate them, but their gifts have been tremendous. I have learned to not participate, even when the music gets turned up really loud.

It is okay with me if I am disliked and avoided by those who want to dance in this shit. I am good with it. I can honestly say that I do not go out into the world to create this dynamic, but I do know how to walk away from it. My baby feelings sometimes get hurt for a minute, but I know the cost of the dance. It is WAY too high for 5 minutes of your approval or liking me. I know it will end when you don’t get your way at some point soon. And I hate that game!

What I get here is the freedom I have longed for all my life. To let you think whatever you want and to walk with myself in dignity, self-worth, and self-respect. I cannot have it any other way. And, I can honestly say that I am happy almost every moment of every day. Life is beautiful and amazing! And there is no one around me who gets to pull the strings…yay!

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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