HONESTY MONTH: DAY 9: “For my part, whatever anguish of spirit it may cost, I am willing to know the whole truth; to know the worst and to provide for it.”― Patrick Henry
This recovery life is a challenge for most of us to remain faithful to a higher purpose than any we have known before.
I had a lot of religious training before getting this thing. It was prejudicial for me. I hated the idea of a Higher Power because I brought that training into it. These steps are not like that, but I had to work them a few times before I really believed in my heart.
The truths I have learned here, especially in inventory processes have been destructive to my image of myself time and again. When the BB says that our “ego has to be smashed,” I really did not understand the full extent of the smashing it would take.
I am sure there is more. The final smashing of the ego takes place when we exit this mortal coil. The process here is all about living from the heart (Spirit) and not the head (Ego). Sounds simple, but we complicate the hell out of it. At least I do.
There have been some big chunks of truth to accept. I am willing to do that but seldom happy to hear them. I am always grateful for the teachers who show me the truth and tell me the truth. They come in amazing packages. Most of them are people I do not really like. Haha! Truth!
I remember hearing a friend who used to say often that, “We judge ourselves by our intentions and the world judges us by our behaviors. These things seldom match up.” Serious truth there, my friend!
My controlling, manipulative and dishonest behaviors were always aimed in a good direction but fell far short of the intended outcomes. They are not tools of healing or helping anyone. They are tools of Ego, so no one is happy to have them used on them.
It is only through deep work on this stuff that I get to see which tools I am using. If I am trying to get anyone else to play by MY rules, it won’t work. Simple truth. I don’t see it, but I sure DO it…or DID it…I hope I am more aware today. Not always, but it takes a lot less for me to become aware of my behaviors when I fall into that space. This is amazing stuff and I am so happy I keep sticking around for more.