FAITH MONTH: DAY 29: “We never know when our last day on earth will be. So, love with full sincerity, believe with true faith, and hope with all your might. Better to have lived in truth and discovered life, than to have lived half-heartedly and died long before you ever ceased breathing. ”― Cristina Marrero
Many of my friends in recovery had doubts in the early days, and some still do. I remember an old saying that was common in meetings in my early years: “It is better to live like there is a God and find out you were wrong than to live without one and find out you were wrong.”
Not sure that I believe that. But I do know that despite my doubts, if I pretend there is a Power that cares for me, I feel it. I can also attest to the fact that Chuck C. was right about something he used to say all the time: “How do I know this works? Because I have the best life I ever had.” So, I like those two pieces of evidence to the idea and concept of what Step 3 asks me to do.
Many people will argue with the wording of Step 3, that all we have to do is make a decision. I am not one of them. If I make a decision to DO something, I am deciding to DO it. That is my way of working this step. I cannot make a decision to do something and NOT do it. Does not make sense to me. But I know there are some who will argue with that. I won’t argue back. No point. This is a personal choice and I am not here to make choices or decisions for others.
I just had to recognize what that means for me. We all do. A personal choice here. Sadly, a lot of people choose to live in active addiction. This, I believe, is where that happens. We consistently choose Ego or Spirit. All the time, over and over again.
I have chosen Ego in many instances since I got here. There was (and is!) a price to pay for that. I either pay the price or I gotta go. Fear (Ego) does not allow for half measures, nor does a spiritual life. I cannot have it both ways. There is a lot of pain going down that road.
I love this stuff. I love having the knowledge that I choose all the time. In small and large ways, I get to see who I am every day. There is much to learn and more growth than I ever thought possible, but what else are we here for?
Truth is this, for me: I am extremely grateful for the opportunity to grow and become more of the person I dreamed of being when I was a little girl. Today I have a wonderful road map that shows me the way. I was so lost for so long. I don’t know about others, but this is the greatest thing I get to do…all the time, no matter what.