FAITH MONTH: DAY 17: “Without faith in your heart, you can do nothing.” – Old Irish saying
I believe my Celtic soul is like that of the Irish people, deeply involved in spirit and mysticism. I believe in fairies and all the other “wee folk,” including Leprechauns. I love the stories and traditions, even though I did not get these teachings from anyone in my family. I have read and reread old books all my life about the traditions and history and fables of Ireland.
There is a deep well inside me that resonates with this stuff, no matter how silly it may seem. There is the same deep feeling for faith of all kinds. I recognized this right away, even though I remained highly skeptical for a long time.
Primarily because I had never been around a sober drunk before. A lot of drunk drunks, but never one who got sober. And I did NOT believe people in meetings, I thought they had something to gain by conning me. Not sure what that would be, since I had nothing to offer, but I did not trust them at all.
I was living inside a lot of denial and doubt.
Today I love that I was willing to “fake it till you make it.” That was the best I could do. And it was all that was needed. Really. I had to jump ferociously into the work of the steps, but it was okay to pretend like I believed it would work. That was the faking it part. I did not sit around and wait for miraculous proof…I kinda had that on Day 1 anyway.
How so? Well, my full given name is Patricia Kelleen Mary Margaret McClanahan. All of it! And I was told both my birth parents came from Ireland to California prior to my birth. My birth father came over and then he sent for a bride picked out by his family. Yikes! That did not go well, he was a drunk…and so she gave me up to the church and they found my adoptive parents in the congregation. Okay. Every year, me and my adopted dad celebrated St. Patrick’s Day. We had fun with it. He was a drunk too. Died from it. And I celebrated the same way for all the years until 1986.
On that day, I was intervened on in a way that showed the hand of Power at work. And I ended up in detox at around 3 pm. I did not plan this trip; it was kind of forced on me by the only person I trusted at that time in my life. He loved me a great deal more than I did. And I had my last drink in the parking lot of that place. So many things happened on that day. And its impact is all the greater because I would have, literally, chosen just about ANY other day to stop. Tomorrow is the anniversary of my sobriety. And I KNOW that THIS is my first miracle in recovery. Of course. There were several on just that one day…I had enough evidence to go forward, even with all my doubt and fear and suspicion that it was a setup. I love this story and never fail to tell it! So grateful and so filled with faith…and the leprechauns and fairies are dancing a jig for it all.