January 20

ACCEPTANCE MONTH: DAY 20: “Clearly, all fear has an element of resistance and a leaning away from the moment. Its dynamic is not unlike that of strong desire except that fear leans backward into the last safe moment while desire leans forward toward the next possibility of satisfaction. Each lacks presence.”

― Stephen Levine

Being present to life is acceptance. Nothing more, nothing less. We cannot be in fear or believe we “need” something if we are present to this moment, this life, right now. If I believe I must have or be or do something to make the moment more or less, I am not being present.

Right now, my life is perfect, and all is in place…and now and now and now and now. It is only when I am projecting into the future or dwelling  on the past that I am unhappy or in need or lack. All I need is here, right now.

Ego tells me yesterday was terrible, and then displays reel after reel of evidence about why that is so, and then projects all that crazy onto tomorrow and yells at me that it is going to be REALLY terrible, so I must run and do a bunch of stuff, must have more money, look different, and so on, ad infinitum.

The important aspect of personal powerlessness over ALL aspects of Ego is that I get to understand and embrace it. I don’t try to shut it down or cover it up or pretend I have risen above it on this spiritual path. But I DO practice hearing it and letting it run on and then turning my thoughts back to my breath and this moment.

Ego will tell me how powerful and trustworthy it is, but I know better. I got here fully surrendered to this powerlessness. And I understood immediately what people were talking about when they talked about it being about WAY MORE than alcohol and drugs, or even people, places and things.

Personal powerless manifests in my life in every area of life. I am okay with that. I will never be able to stop a wave or command the sun to come up or go down at another time. Nor will I be able to command life or death at my whim. BUT, I can come to understand that Ego will have its say…I just do not need to live into that, nor allow it to disrupt the peace I have found in these steps and this spiritual way of life.

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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