January 4

ACCEPTANCE MONTH: DAY 4: “The ache for home lives in all of us. The safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.”― Maya Angelou

I think this ache is for our own recognition, acceptance and love. I recently got to spend some time in really, really understanding how well I inhabit my body. Ugh!

I have lived with an eating disorder for my entire life. I love food, but used to deny myself food. I have the sickest relationship with my body, and it has taken many years of work to learn to accept it as the vehicle I inhabit on this trip to the blue marble.

That creates an ache for a safe place inside me. I am not safe with myself. The biggest problem we will ever address. The identification that we have with our appearance is the spiritual malady that makes billions of dollars for the cosmetic industry and plastic surgeons and so many other agencies of Ego. We have to learn to let ourselves go out as we are…without artifice, without makeup, without being tortured and pounded into a shape we outgrew 30 or 40 years ago.

And we talk about our past abuse like it is over. How do you speak to this vehicle? How mean are you to the casing your Spirit lives in during this journey? How accepting are you with what the outer shell of your beautiful Soul?

This is Ego at its greatest evil-doing. We are mean and vicious to US and then proclaim that we are looking elsewhere for safety. Good luck with that! If we are not safe with ourselves, there is no place on the planet where we can be free of that driving fear.

Only fear of not being accepted by others drives this crazy need to look younger, no matter the cost. I have seen little girls dressed up and with makeup on to make them “prettier.” Their souls have already learned that they are not okay, not beautiful without the right clothes and makeup. This is horrible! And we continue it for lifetimes. We all see the horrible ideas that are generated by the Hollywood images of older actresses who alter their bodies and faces into plastic masks of what they looked like long ago. I can think of a few who horrify me when they appear on screen. I was trying to watch a remake of an old 1980s sitcom, and the star actress is so distorted by surgery that I could not watch her try to move her mouth and smile. So sad!

Today I am working to do less to look like I did in my 30s or 40s or even 50s. I want to move into my older years feeling safe from the horrible judgment and of ME. If I can be okay with myself without dies and surgeries and cosmetics, nothing anyone else believes is going to harm me. Safety where I can go as I AM!

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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