December 21

LOVE MONTH: DAY 21: “To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow – this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.”― Elizabeth Gilbert

I have used this quote before, because I remember how blessed I felt to be married to a man who was such a hero to me. For years before we became a couple, I respected and admired him for so many reasons. Then, when we got together, I was so happy that he loved ME! Wow!

However, this year, I have been torn when I read this quote, because it really isn’t about being loved by others, but by myself. Funny how these things change. I still feel that way about my husband, but I get it that the real miracle is when I see myself fully and allow and accept ALL of it to be loved by ME.

Interesting shift. It used to feel like I was conning people who thought they loved (or really even liked me!). That the other shoe would drop, and they would see who and what I was and be disappointed and repelled by what they saw or discovered in me.

I guess I was, for a long time…disappointed and repelled, I mean. I had so many things to cover up and pretend to be different about. I could not tell the truth about many aspects of my life and personality. I felt like I was always auditioning for a role to be Kelly. Now I play her fully and completely, no matter how inconsistent some of my personal quirks, attitudes, beliefs, ideas and likes and dislikes are. Oh well! I just have to let them be what they are because they ARE.

And the journey into THAT space IS miraculous. And years in the making, and so much work under the bridge, along with a great deal of water and time. Yikes!

The journey is always in the coming home. And the coming home is exactly that. Coming home…to ME. To the comfort or total understanding and allowing me to be me and loving me anyway. Without judgment…shit is that hard!.. and without condemnation or ridicule or trying to cover me up in roses when I don’t like what I am all about. Accepting and allowing these seemingly darker aspects of myself to just simply BE and being at home within that framework.

What a long, strange trip it has been! Yeah, not for the feeble or the lazy, this stuff. But worth it when I feel at home with me. What a gift!

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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