DISCIPLINE MONTH: DAY 13: “Perhaps the most valuable result of all education is the ability to make yourself do the thing you have to do, when it ought to be done, whether you like it or not. It is the first lesson that ought to be learned and however early a man’s training begins, it is probably the last lesson that he learns thoroughly.”― Thomas Henry Huxley
A lot of us addicts are rebellious. We rebel against what we need to do, even when the prices we pay are far too high to be enjoyable. There is often little or no purpose in our rebellion, but we do it, nonetheless.
I know I paid very high prices for some of my rebellious episodes. There often was no reason for the rebel attitudes I took. I just had no respect for others telling me what to do. The best thing that can happen in those circumstances is that I be held accountable for paying the prices for that rebellion. Sometimes I got away with far too much. That did not help me, but I felt proud of my escapes from paying prices.
When I DID get caught out, I blamed it on others, those “assholes” who were watching me all the time and waiting for me to f— up. You know the ones, law enforcement, people who were watching for the benefit of the others I might be harming. Then they began to intervene because I posed a problem or danger for myself as well…Geez!
I am grateful for these people. They kept me from doing damage to others that was as severe as it could have been. Trust me, I did enough and had plenty to clean up.
What I am even more grateful for is the wonderful Grace that allowed me to embrace this recovery thing as fully and completely as I have for all these years. The work I get to do to heal and recover from the horrible prison of being so completely self-centered and consumed with what I wanted, at the expense of everyone and anyone else.
And the work of mending and repairing those relationships that are precious to me, even those that are not quite so precious. To mend and heal those things that I broke apart with little or no thought of how that felt to others. I love these steps and how they work in every area of my life. More and more every day!