FREEDOM MONTH: DAY 29: “Pain will leave you, when you let go” ― Jeremy Aldana
This is true in ALL areas of our lives. When we let go of expectations of others, when we let go of the past and its allure, when we let go of old ideas, when we let go of possessions and things we cling to for fear they will never be replaced, when we just let go of others and what they do or not do that is displeasing to us.
When we walk away from something that we have carried for a long time, there is a great deal of relief and freedom from the burden it represented. But we are loathe to do this because we always have some ego-story around it.
Step 9 is where we can begin to find freedom from this pain and burden. We can let go of the story we have carried with other people. Whatever that story is, we can tell it, if we can be rigorous and thorough, as the BB asks, in Step 4 and 5. Then we see how OUR character defects played a role in that damaged relationship in 6 and 7. Then in 8 we become willing to redo this relationship on a new basis. It is so important that we see how WE need to change the narrative and what WE believe here.
I have only met one other person who is in that space when it comes to seeing the thread of this the way I do. She was a great mentor for me and a wise woman to work with. We developed this way of seeing the steps when I was relatively new, and it is the basis for all the work I have ever done personally and with others since that time. I am blessed to have found the person who let me bounce my ideas here off of her. She immediately got it and we talked for hours about this stuff. It is so sad that most recovery people just settle for apologizing, again and again, for who they are and how they act. They never get this freedom because they never really take responsibility for their actions. They keep blaming others for who they are. Deep down, there is no fundamental shift in their story, so they cling to it for decades! Ugh! It is really unattractive to blame others for you being an asshole. And the people in their lives are so done with them on that level.
There is no integrity in me telling you some sad story about my childhood and how it was for me, instead of just owning myself and my story. We are here to recover! Not to keep the crap going. It was BS then and it is BS now. I love the freedom from pain and shame and remorse and guilt I get when I keep myself right-sized and walking on the sunny side of the street. Life is really beautiful here!