September 13

FREEDOM MONTH: DAY 13: “Freedom is obedience to self-formulated rules.” ― Aristotle

I lived with the idea of fulfilling everyone’s expectations of me, about me and for me for so many years. I had to drink and drug to mask my anger and pain at how much they wanted me to be someone else. This is the deepest broken-ness we inherit from our families, parents especially. The idea that we have to be molded and shaped into something and someone else to be worthy of their love and consideration and time and attention. What a horrible message they give us!

We begin to unravel this message so late in life that many of us do not ever get to the point where we know our deepest sense of anger and pain. And when we do, we begin to untangle from their expectations from us and demands on us. Then we can truly begin the process of becoming free. It has NOTHING to do with drugs and alcohol. Never did.

As I stop buying into these old ideas of how unworthy I am, it is wonderful to become freer and freer every day. It takes another lifetime to get through these things. I am okay with that. I feel blessed that I am able to do this work, that I was brought to this work, and that I am one who sees the deeper significance to the steps and how they truly manifest healing in my life and the lives of others.

It is pathetic to watch what a man or woman who is 60 or 70 years old is doing for that approval from others that they never got from parents as a child. Geez! Just pathetic. And I know hundreds and hundreds of people who are running from one relationship to another to get it. It is terrible to see that neediness and how draining it can be on those around them.

And trying to explain that it will come, when THEY get their own house in order, is a trying experience. It is truly pathetic. We cannot receive freedom from another person, it only comes from within us. I hate that most folks will settle for pity instead of self-respect.

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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