September 11

FREEDOM MONTH: DAY 11: “A child who does not think about what happens around him and is content with living without wondering whether he lives honestly is like a man who lives from a scoundrel’s work and is on the road to being a scoundrel.” ― Jose Marti

I have worked with so many addicts in this life. And the common thread that most addicts believe around this step is that, “I only harmed myself.”

This is bordering on sociopathology. When we refuse to question the outcomes of our behavior on others, we truly believe we are in the center of a personal universe and they are such ancillary satellites that we have no impact. That is crazy and very alarming.

This is what is known as being terribly entitled. And completely self-absorbed, to the point of borderline sociopathology.

Living with no social conscience is, unfortunately, a symptom of addiction. Others, who are hurt and angry about our behavior, as it impacts them, are in constant amazement at our lack of concern or caring about what assholes we are being.

Recovery is where we learn to admit how we truly feel about this. I know I was full of remorse and shame around my bad behavior, in every area. Some of it, I was not even aware of. I had lied to myself for so long that I could not see it in the perspective of those I was damaging. Recovery is where I learned to own my shit and clean it up.

So, true Sociopaths will never be able to do this. It is easy to see those who are NOT doing the work. They still have entitlement and stories around their behavior to keep their egos intact. It is an unfortunate part of the deal that these are not recovering addicts. They are DRY addicts, who are too much in Ego to live in the spirit of humanity the rest of us must live in to let go of that monster driving the bus. Many of them will never develop that social consciousness. Too bad.

Step 9 is where we can clean this up. If we still believe we are justified in our resentments and holding on to grudges with others, we must rework Steps 4-8 and get clear on OUR wrongs, and how they hurt other people.

It all begins with our thoughts about life. The beliefs we create as very young children have been driving our ideas of everything for a very long time. This is part and parcel of Step 4. OLD IDEAS. And from there we see how they form the character defects and how those are not appropriate coping mechanisms. Then we clean that shit up, because bad behavior comes from stupid ideas that are dysfunctional and just plain wrong or too narrow to allow the rest of the world to live as they please.

I love this stuff. It is simple, yet deeply complex in how it destroys, not only us, but the world around us, through our asinine behaviors and attitudes. Change it up!

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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