COURAGE MONTH: DAY 17: “Courage to me is doing something daring, no matter how afraid, insecure, intimidated, alone, unworthy, incapable, ridiculed or whatever other paralyzing emotion you might feel. Courage is taking action….no matter what. So you’re afraid? Be afraid. Be scared silly to the point you’re trembling and nauseous, but do it anyway!” ― Richelle E. Goodrich
This is also another definition of courage that I resonate with. I have been quite afraid (listening to my Ego) on every step I have taken since I got to recovery. I was afraid (Way Ego!) to take chips when I was new, but did so anyway. Self-centered so much of the time!
I don’t need to be faced with a “daring” task, just something new. It is not really scary, but my head always tells me it is. If I listen, I can take that thing away from myself I may have accomplished. My first opportunity to make an amends was with someone I had not included on my 8th step list. I did it anyway. I was terrified, but the whole thing was a complete God-shot.
I have two people that I have never been able to find, so no amends was made to them. They remain on my list. It took 25 years to find a couple of people, and 27 before I was in a position to deal with my family. I left it in the hands of Universal Power to make that appointment. And when it came, I hated the idea, because there is so much toxic shit in these relationships. But, I did what I set out to do and have been able to take those names off of my list.
And each of these experiences has shown me how it works out best if I don’t drive the bus or create the scene. I let it all unfold, as it always does, in ways that are NOT mine, which means they are better than what I could possibly have created.
Today there is not a lot I am this afraid of. There are some things I avoid, because I don’t want to do them, but I do those things first. And the results are always WAY better than I could have imagined, because I always short-change the Universe in its capabilities. And myself.
Here’s to courage, may it be the first thing we all step up with today!