April 30

HONESTY MONTH: DAY 30: Resentment, anger, and impatience, all have their place. Actually, they’re absolutely priceless, revealing to those who feel them that there are still a few pieces of life’s puzzle they’ve overlooked.

If we were to do a Step 4 and never again feel any of those things mentioned above, never suffer again from old ideas and how they ruin our lives, I can see how a single application of this medicine would be sufficient.

However, many people mistakenly believe that Step 10 covers their butts for the duration of life after their one and only Step 4. Boy! You sure can see these people in the meetings. They remain angry and defensive and resentful for that same duration.

The problem is this: Most people are going to do that Step 4 in the early days of recovery. It is like opening a bottle of champagne. BAM! All the steam and fury of the contents comes pouring out too fast to capture. Sure, there is some relief, maybe even a lot.

But the ongoing issues that create the resentments and anger have only been addressed on the surface. There is a great deal more to do to RECOVER from the old ideas. Chances are, once the relief is felt, we all want to believe we are DONE with this issue. Hahahahaha! I hear the same stories being told in meetings for EVER. Ugh!

So, these things come up and addicts see that Step 10 talks about US being wrong. We do NOT know the nature of the problem. We are not aware of our old ideas and the ensuing beliefs that formulate the anger and resentment in the first place. We do NOT see how we are wrong. Most addicts think the problem is that they yelled at someone or flipped them off or got into a heated argument or fight. That is NOT the problem. The problem is what caused the thinking that drove the emotions.

As Chuck C. says, “It is good to know the problem.”

Just like our problems were not our drinking and drugging, neither is the problem our feelings. We feel what we feel, based on what we believe about life. ALL THE TIME…FOREVER. If we do not understand what we believe about what we are feeling, we are doomed to stay in resentment, anger and crappy attitudes about life. OH!

So, it is good that these things come up until we work these steps enough to see, really SEE our part in the problem. And where it is, and why it is and what we can do to REALLY recover, not just stop drinking.

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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