April 23

HONESTY MONTH: DAY 23: “I think honesty is the most heroic quality one can aspire to.” ― Daniel Radcliffe

I know that the ideal is complete honesty. I am not sure I have eradicated, even now, all the delusion and dishonesty from my life or my mind. I don’t know if that is even possible.

I do know that honesty can be a relative thing. It applies in some circumstances, then shifts in others. So, I am not sure it is a pure ideal. Or completely possible.

As much as I love to embrace the ideal, I know there are times when I am not honest. There are always going to be times when I see what I want to see in situations, other people, and all of life. That is okay, too. Because I can accept it as the way things are. Or maybe just the way I am.

I agree with this quote, because seeking truth and honesty are heroic qualities. Being willing to have the rug pulled out from under your illusions and beliefs is absolutely terrifying at times. When I think about some of the huge ideas of myself and my life that I have had to let go of, I am amazed that I was able to walk around the world at all.

Then I see how few people have ever done the kind of excavation of their souls that I have done, and I am lonely sometimes. I have a few friends to whom I can express this, but most are not interested in anything other than doing the bare minimum to get by in meetings. That doesn’t change.

I am compelled to do this stuff. I love every new opportunity to discover more of what is going on with me and you and the world where we live. I am fascinated by everything…all of it!

I am studying right now about our natural tendency to grab and attempt to control life and people, events and ideas. That grasping that we see around us and fall prey to all the time. I am studying the inherent tendency we have toward dissatisfaction and being malcontent. Not just addicts, but people in general. That we are mostly unsatisfied with even the greatest things that come to us. There is always an edge of disappointment and letdown in everything we receive, do, feel, achieve, become, aspire to, and so on.

I seldom feel that. I am content so much of the time that I do not experience this any longer, for the most part. I do recognize and identify that there have been times of this for me. But I have not had this as a chronic condition for many years. I believe this is due to the work I have done and the studying of myself and the world around me. I am most often content and pleased with my life and circumstances. I hope I am honestly assessing this condition, because I see it as curious that the world is full of this condition. I believe it is. I see it.

Anyway, this is where I am today. I am questioning myself as to the nature of the honesty with which I sit each day. Always questioning about whether what I believe about myself is accurate or not. That is the only thing I need to be busy with today. The rest is dessert, if you ask me.

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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