April 9

HONESTY MONTH: DAY 9: “Who you are in public is a test of your conviction; who you are in private, integrity.” ― Criss Jami

I just got to spend a couple of days with folks who do a lot of conversation around who they are in the world.

I love to hear it said that someone “loves me.” I find it interesting that in that statement is the idea behind what that looks like. We all say it to each other around here. But the real test is in how that manifests.

This was a service conference, where we do what we do to serve the Fellowship in various degrees. I see the variety of commitment by those who serve. I also see what their “love” looks like in terms of actual follow-through and in how they show up, or in most cases, do not show up. On a regular basis, day in and day out.

Most of the time, it is about the photo opportunities on fb and in public. There is little real support behind the scenes or in any other way that really gets felt by the people who truly need and desire this kind of support. It is the same throughout the fellowships.

Are you really putting in the time and work? This is service. When it is inconvenient, raining, keeping you from your dinner or sometimes family on holidays and weekends? Extra miles, extra efforts, extra work to be present in another persons’ time of real need and just to let  them really know what love is?

That, for me, is the litmus test. It isn’t about what YOU get. It is about what YOU give. When no one is looking. When there is no applause, no bows to take, no recognition or parades. That is easy. I see who people really are and how shallow their words, when there is no action behind them.

Or when it is like pulling teeth to get something done that was promised. That the promise was empty and without any real love behind it. When it was something said and never intended to be actually done. It is easy to promise, and hard to match the promise with the real work of being inconvenienced in really doing the deed.

We all want to raise our hands to do the work when we are sitting on our asses in a meeting and it looks and sounds good. Where are our feet when it becomes inconvenient? That is the true test of who we are. That is what real honesty and integrity are all about. Keep the former, I am only here for the latter. Keep your words and show me your feet walking the talk.

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Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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