February 14

HOPE MONTH: DAY 14: “Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.” ― Epicurus

There is a fun thing to do in the BB of AA. We know what is talked about regarding sex on page 69. But you can tell a new member that where it talks about sex is on page 96.

What you read there is totally funny and fun. Because it is really about working with new members, but when read in a sexual connotation, it can crack up a meeting or a book study. I love the laughter that we get when we are deeply honest with ourselves and how seriously we take our lives.

Today I am poking fun at myself and the things I have wanted in my life. For years, I wanted to be in a relationship like all of my friends, who all got married in their first couple of years around here. Truth about that…all these years later, only one of them remains in recovery. Her recovery is not something I would covet at all.

Not one of the marriages last more than 2 or 3 years, and everyone ended up loaded again. The drama they lived in! Ugh! Maybe others have different experiences, but this is what I witnessed with people I knew in that early time and watched their relationships unfold.

When I finally DID get to be in that wonderful relationship that ended in marriage, it was short and full of learning experiences for both of us. Because he died a couple of days before Valentine’s Day…yeah, I am going there…it has been a tough holiday for me.

ONLY BECAUSE of what I believe about it. That I should be in a relationship and get gifts and fuss and so on…yikes! It is all a stage production put on by Hallmark, jewelry stores, flower vendors, and candy makers. The rest is pure BS. I can say that in the 6 Valentine’s Days I spent with my honey, who was the only one to ever really work at it with me, we did none of the traditional stuff and had a couple of big misfires. And a couple were pretty funny.

So, I am happy to remember that I can change my mind any time I want. About any-thing! Thank God for that. Unlearning…relearning…shift of focus and venue…thank you very much. One of the sweetest things anyone ever did was his best friend sent me a dozen long-stemmed roses the day after my honey died. He told me that he was instructed by Jose to do this if he did not live till V.D. I know it was a lie, because I HATE cut flowers.

The money spent on them is such a waste. I am a gardener. I can get a dozen rose bushes for that same amount of money and have a garden full of beautiful roses, year after year, and be happy with that. In fact, I still have two of the rose bushes HE bought me today…they move with me and I love them. So, it was a sweet gesture, but I knew he was lying.

Today, I am being God’s Valentine. That is what I truly have longed for all my life. That kind of connection and purpose and love. It is wonderful! And a piece of sculpture in my yard broke off in the wind this morning and gave me a great river-rock with a perfect hole in it. I married God today…I am so happy and pretty sure the rock is better than anything mined in Africa that someone had to work like a slave to procure. So happy! Enjoy your V.D.!