January 18


“I am larger, better than I thought; I did not know I held so much goodness.

All seems beautiful to me.

Whoever denies me, it shall not trouble me;       

Whoever accepts me, he or she shall be blessed, and shall bless me.” ― Walt Whitman

When I identify with that part of me that is a sad and lost child, that is all I see in my world. When I identify with the child of wonder and awe, THAT is who I become more often. When I identify with the chick who rode motorcycles with “the boys,” I am that tough woman.

I have found all of these women in me. I have played these roles, trying to find the one that fits. It is interesting that I was afraid to be soft and yielding, believing YOU would take advantage of that and hurt me.

I did not know I could be loving and kind and gentle and soft and tough and strong and it would all fit. I did not know that only I have the power to hurt me. You can’t hurt me. You might kill me with your violence, but you cannot hurt my heart.

What hurts my heart is what I believe about what you do. I can take it personally or I can know that you are being you, it has nothing to do with me. I shared this with my friend yesterday. In “The Four Agreements” there is one that says not to take it personally. It ain’t about me.

If you are being an asshole, it is your stuff. If you are being an asshole to someone, even me, all I need to do is remember your asshole-ness belongs to you, not me.

All the rhymes we learned about sticks and stones, etc. as children were very true.

So, today I can walk out into the world and be tough and kind at the same time. I am a fierce protector of my life. I am a fierce protector of my heart, but I carry no weapons, and cry when violence is around me. I forgot about that. I have seen and lived my share. I will not watch it on tv or in movies or tolerate it in my life.

I walk away. I turn it off. It does not belong to me. I am going to seek softness and kindness and gentleness for the rest of my days. And I will protect my life in this way fiercely. If you bring discord or harm to my door, I will lock you out. I have no time for your asshole-ness. I only accept those things into my life that feed my soul and my heart well.

No spiritual junk food can come in. I love this poem, of course. Walt Whitman is one of my gurus. His love of nature and life and the spirit feed my heart with wholesome and beneficial words of kindness and celebration of all that is the kind of life I embrace fiercely. Om shanti!

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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