January 5

ACCEPTANCE MONTH: DAY 5:

“You have to give up! you have to give up!

You have to realize that someday you will die,

Until you know that, you are useless!” ― Chuck Palahniuk

We hang on to things for far too long, and then we are beat up by the process of life until we learn to let go. Doesn’t mean we ever get good at it. At least I haven’t. But I do know that I am less and less often inclined to want to run the world.

Most of the time, I can let go of things. There have been some things (OLD stuff!) that have come up recently, and I find myself mired in the feelings and stories around them. Been working to untangle myself from that. It is all okay, not a big deal, but the feelings get uncomfortable and I find myself dancing in response to someone else’s music. I hate that!

So, we learn this thing over and over and over again. I love to hear newcomers say in meetings that they are “surrendered” and have let go of everything. That lasts about 20 minutes from my experience, but it sounds good.

The ego (Screaming Purple Monkeys) never dies. It goes on as long as we do. For me, this process has taken over 30 years to understand and get comfortable with. Only now do I see how little impact it has most of the time. And the conditions under which I lived for so many years around here are less often in place. That discomfort is not a consistent part of my life.

And my responses are much better. I can navigate life much better and these issues without blowing up everything around me. The idea of imminent death is, for me, a constant reminder that I am looking at a small situation and SPM is blowing it up to make it a big deal, when it truly is not.

I like that perspective. It is far healthier than thinking that every single detail of my life has weight and import when it truly does not.