November 13

GRATITUDE MONTH: DAY 13: “Thanksgiving is a spiritual exercise, necessary to the building of a healthy soul. It takes us out of the stuffiness of ourselves into the fresh breeze and sunlight of the will of God.” ― Elisabeth Elliot

I never thought about creating a “healthy” soul, but I guess that is what we are doing here, right? Building a healthy soul is a great way of putting it.

And the second part of this quote is beautiful…the “stuffiness” of ourselves…oh yeah! We talk about walking in the “sunlight of the spirit” and I love that. But the fresh breeze and sunlight of the will of God is a great line! I love walking on days when there is sunlight and a fresh breeze. Don’t you?

Being in the natural world is where I see the face of the Power, every time. I see amazing creatures and trees and flowers and clouds and mountains and the ocean. The ocean really speaks loudest to me, because it continuously moves and has so much life going on. Never ending. I love it!

So, I really like this quote today. Although, there is something about it that would have terrified me in the early times. I hated the idea of the “will of God” for so many reasons.

It took about 10 years for me to really get in touch with the rage that lived inside me. I knew it was there, but it had no focal point, no one I could really say was to be held accountable for the pain and the rage of my early life. One day, that focal point became GOD…I hated GOD…uhoh! I did not know how to resent and hate the thing that was supposed to be saving me from my horrible addiction and the life I had evolved into living.

OH! I had a face-to-face screaming match with GOD…and I was the only one screaming. I wrote all the things I was angry about and how terribly I felt I had been let down by GOD…and the screaming began. I thought it would go on forever. But it didn’t. I got it out and felt SO much better. I beat the floor, I beat pillows. I beat myself up…and then it was over. I was still angry, but the rage was spent. Just like that…wow! Is that it? It was.

And I wrote THE inventory…all about GOD…and it was ugly and mean, but the rage was gone. Okay! I divorced that GOD and began to understand we had never been on the same page anyway. It was all BS. I used all my worst language and it was still okay. I had not been struck drunk or loaded, or even struck at all. It was okay. And, in my heart, I had this sense of something asking me…”Okay. That was interesting. Is that it? Are we good now?”

And we were. I continue to use a phrase like Higher Power, Universal Power, Creator, or anything that does not feel like God. I am still not sure I like that word, or what it means to so many and how it is thrown around so freely when people are trying to control and manipulate others. SO, today I call on that Power of Love and Light and Life. It lives in me, in you, in all animals (Most apparent for me there), and in the natural world around me. I find that most of the world of man is quite devoid of this Power, and therefore, refuse to listen to what they have to say about it all. I am good. I am a lovely spirit, on my way from one encounter with the Power to the next. I never know where that journey will take me, but I am truly grateful for it all, even the stuff that created the rage in me. It was very important for me to connect with. And to feel. And to honor. And to heal. And to recognize my part in. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I feel like a healthy soul today…and I am living in the fresh breeze and sunlight of the spirit. Woohoo!

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

Leave a comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s