October 28

DISCIPLINE MONTH: DAY 28: “The point at which things happen is a decision. Instead of focusing on yourself, focus on how you can help someone else.” ― Germany Kent

Ugh! I have a story today…about how I don’t feel good and don’t want to write this stupid thing today, and so on…it is a really good story, full of wah, wah, wah. All of it true, I guess. But, the focus is on ME and the story I am writing about ME and MY wah, wah, wah.

OMG! I am so sick of this shit sometimes I want to remove my entire brain and live as a vegetable in the corner, sitting and drooling on myself. Hahahaha!

This is great shit! And the reason I am writing about it today is that I still have to sit with the story, no matter what I do about it. Either way, I am screwed!

So, I write about it and KNOW, because all of you guys are addicts, that it will resonate with one of you, and then I will have moved from the first part of the last sentence in this quote, to the second. So simple!

And yet, I have fought with myself for an hour or two today, knowing, somewhere inside, that it doesn’t help the world a lot if I do this or not, but it helps ME be accountable and present to YOU. I hate that! Except that I really love that!

Someone knows what I mean. I have a cold, and the story has me dying at any moment, so be careful! Hahahaha!

Oh Geez! The drama…always the damned drama! So, I make the decision to take the action. What I know, from having been here about 400,000,000,000 times (just in the last two months!) is that the Universe will step in when I make the decision, and take it all away from me. It has ceased being mine the moment I make the decision. This is BIG TIME what step 3 is all about, by the way.

I decide, and the rest of it just happens. YAY! I am off the hook. I am not writing this, my soul is, and it is all something that I just decide about. I have nothing to say, which I KNOW you don’t believe anyway. Not if you really know me. I ALWAYS have shit to say.

And discipline? Really, I have NONE. But I do love what I get when I do this, so I will keep doing it. I used to love it when I heard that in meetings, and no one says it any more. “If you like what you are getting, keep doing what you are doing.” And I do, so I will. And this is just a tiny part of it. All the rest, I will decide about again later. It is working me most days; my part is so small. I am grateful that it works me when I have too big a story to work it.

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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