October 19

DISCIPLINE MONTH: DAY 19: “Discipline is not something which can be forced, we can make people realize its importance, that’s it; In the long run its the responsibility, commitment & a self-improvement attitude – which runs it.” ― Shahenshah Hafeez Khan

Most of us have been forced or coerced into doing things that we thought were “discipline,” but it cannot happen like that.

Doing something against my will is not discipline, it is a use of force or coercion. Discipline is what I have to master in order to consistently do what I believe is right and best for me. This is usually done in order to reach some goal or achieve a desired result. That is not possible with a forced situation.

I was forced to clean my plate as a child and still carry that idea of wasting food and all the other crap that was taught to me around all that. I eat until I feel satisfied today, not because someone is making me clean my plate. But that old idea is still there.

When I work with others who have eating disorders, a lot of this old crap is at the foundation of the eating disorder. We all know how prevalent old conditioning and old ideas can be and how damaging if we do not uncover these and rethink our foundation or core beliefs about life.

We are all responsible for disciplining our lives. Whether or not we try to impose this on others is going to determine the success or failure of our relationships with them. No one is comfortable with imposed discipline.

This does not mean that there should be NO guidelines for behavior or our environment. I like it when people take their shoes off in my home, but I do not lock them out if they don’t do it. I would never force others to eat all the food I serve them.

It is important to have rules for behavior with children, or they never learn that life has consequences for violating the rules. I cannot tell you all how many  adults try to justify murder, stealing, rape, and all kinds of other violations of rules. There is a gap in their understanding of doing something and paying the price.

That reminds me of a friend who was an important influence in my early years of recovery. He used to say that “you can do anything you want and stay sober. But, there will always be a price to pay. Be sure you remember that you were willing to pay any price to do what you are doing.”

I love that! Because we do not know the price for most things that we know are not in our best interests. It takes discipline to remember that it is better most (ALL!) of the time to do the right thing, rather than the thing we may want.

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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