July 1

PATIENCE MONTH: DAY 1: “All human beings evolve and grow with the passage of time- some are fast others take their own sweet time in doing so. It’s not for you to be judgmental about them, show patience, empathy and compassion.” ― Latika Teotia

Oh my! This one…funny, I read a good chapter in my morning book today about patience. This word is a challenge for my fingers.  My first name is Patricia, and I keep typing that instead of patience. ??? Not sure what is up there…

The thing I think of instantly with this quote is how impatient I am with myself. If I drop something or hurry too fast and make an error, I am angry and displeased with myself. I do not allow for time to be fluid and expansive. I NEED for time to be fluid and expansive. It is IMPERATIVE that time be fluid and expansive.

For, without that, it is MY timing that you are all running on…boy, this is a dangerous, arrogant, self-serving world indeed under those conditions.

Sitting with my own humanity and tendency to misfire under pressure, that was our last month…humility. I am far more patient with this process when I am in a humble state. My best story to tell on myself was the first time I was let go in a job at 13 years of recovery. I had to walk out of a building in front of the entire crew of men who worked downstairs in this tire store. (I was a bookkeeper for this store.) I had to walk across a catwalk over their heads and down the stairs, all in their view, with my box of stuff. I was so embarrassed and crushed! But determined not to let them know it! I walked with my head averted, not looking at anyone, got all the way out of the building and they were watching me as I walked across the parking lot to my car. Because I was so determined to hold my head up and not look down, I tripped and fell SPLAT! All the way down, on my face, the box spilled stuff everywhere…OMG! It was REALLY embarrassing that I could walk out of the situation with my dignity intact. UGH! I had to laugh at myself and my little girl sense of dignity and bruised pride.

I am not good at this humility or patience thing. Every single defect of character I have is a result of my fear-based ego, which ALWAYS manifests in my impatience with myself and life.

I may tap my foot while someone takes time to say what they need to say. I am a big follower of a man who was my guru in the first 20 years of my recovery. I adored him! And he stuttered…a lot…and the humility he had was astonishing! And I always got uncomfortable and impatient because he always stuttered when he started to talk from the podium. We did a lot of travelling together and I was always his 10 minute opener and vice-versa. This was our connection. I would squirm and try to speak for him to save him that embarrassment…he wasn’t; but I WAS! Wow!

He taught me so much…and I will never forget…I  hope. I adored him and his amazing gifts of humility and patience. Life has some great teachers in store for us. We get to meet them and know them and see their humanity and their patience as we navigate these recovery stories. What a gift if we can sit still with our own and others’ imperfections and allow patience to teach us the deeper gifts we miss so often when we are busy racing around.

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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