May 23

INTEGRITY MONTH: DAY 23: “Men are what they are because of what they do. Not what they say’ ― Fredrik Backman

This is what I am living with in the world today. Around me, there is dishonesty, drama, and great creative license. That is not acceptable for me.

I am not going to live with any of that. It is not my path. I have lived long enough with the lies I told myself. I no longer want to be a part of that craziness or that dysfunction.

I set boundaries with people who believe they can violate them whenever it suits their purposes. There is not a shred of self-respect in these behaviors.

But, the good news is that I do not have to tolerate it. I must accept that there are others who are inherently incapable of being honest. That is what the BB taught me early on. Their form of mental illness is such that they cannot grasp and develop honesty in their lives. And that, again, has nothing to do with me.

We practice these things daily, hourly, every minute, for a lifetime. There is, sadly, no “gray area” in honesty and integrity. It either is or it isn’t. Period.

We want to believe in “little white lies,” like that takes the dishonesty out of them. I never understood this. It is a convenient excuse for doing something wrong and being unable to own our wrongs.

Kind of like an “accidental” killing. It sits in our souls and must be worked through and cleaned up. We don’t get to excuse it as having a bad day or a misunderstanding. It is karmic and there. These things are ours to own and clean up.

Yet, we can sit in meetings and hear the justifications and the excuses for what we do. I don’t buy it. It is also the reason why we watch people cycle in and out of these rooms like a bus station. They never go anywhere, except around and around, in and out.

There are many worse things that drinking or using drugs. That is to live a life of manipulation and lying and cheating others. We know this path. It is the one that nearly killed our souls. Not changing these things means we are still there. Maybe not drinking or using, but how long can that last when we have not basically changed our behaviors and attitudes? I watch the feet; and close my ears.

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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