May 21

INTEGRITY MONTH: DAY 21: “A true prophet would rather be believed false by many but actually true than believed true by many but actually false.” ― Criss Jami

I am not a true prophet, but I do resonate with this. I have been thought to have been many things in my life by others. It has bothered me to some extent, but I do not let it shift my course.

I learned here, from Chuck C., that it is none of my business what you think of me. I like it. It gives me so much freedom from my intense desire to seek approval.

I went in and out of being popular in school. It was weird. One day, I would be with a great group of friends, and then it would shift, and I would be the outcast. This happened to most of us as we grew up. We wanted so desperately to fit in that we would dress like everyone else, wear our hair and makeup like them, and so on.

Crazy things are done in the name of “fitting in.” Even coming into this thing, I wanted to be the MOST RECOVERED! Hahaha. So, I did these things, believing I would be honored and admired and approved of if I did them in ways that were more intense than others. Hahaha…it is insane!

What happens for me, instead, is that those who want to stay stuck in their shit fall by the wayside. I don’t really know why addicts don’t want to do this work. I just know that they don’t. I don’t always want to do this work either. There are times when my service commitments seem overwhelming. But I do what I say I am going to do, because that is how this works.

That is what integrity is. I cannot share in a meeting that I am doing the work if it is all just lip service. I have to do it to get the results. And most people don’t and won’t. Not my story.

So, although I might care what others think, it doesn’t shift me in my devotion to healing. In all areas of my life. I am happy, joyous and free! Others immediately know that I am authentic and true to myself and this course of healing. They may not know the work it has entailed. But they can see the results. I hope I always manifest THAT and not the crap I came in here with.

I don’t bend to anyone’s ideas of who they think I am supposed to be. They all have an idea or two or ten, but that is not my business. Thank God! It is exhausting to be around people who have opinions on who they need for me to be and what they need me to do. Ugh! It is too short a life for that crap. And so, I go out today and do the Will of the Universal Power that gave me so many gifts and continues to feed my spirit. Not the people who have agendas I won’t fit into. See ya!

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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