April 14

HONESTY MONTH: DAY 14: “For the wise have always known that no one can make much of his life until self-searching has become a regular habit, until he is able to admit and accept what he finds, and until he patiently and persistently tries to correct what is wrong. – Bill W.”

This can be made into a full-time career. Except for one thing in this that I disagree with. While we all do the “self-searching” part, I do not believe that WE are individually capable of this work alone.

Bill W. did not do his first 4th step until he was intervened on later in his recovery. It was well known, and widely stated that he was less than a cordial fellow.

Possibly because he believed he could come to the truth on his own. I have worked like this in my own recovery, and the results were nil, absolute nil. Why? I cannot always get to the truth on my own. I think it is absolutely essential for me to have a trusted advisor or two or ten. They give me the feedback and the input I need about who I am and what I am doing.

I can always access the feelings that may not be quite what I want them to be. That part is usually quite easy to get to. I feel angry, or restless, irritable and discontent…AH! The dreaded RID…so uncomfortable. And then I do some writing. Because I have been doing this a while now, I sometimes see the problem. What I did was wrong. Okay. Then it happens again.

So, now I need to get down to some causes and conditions. This is where I really need help. Why? Because I have a default setting in my brain (Screaming Purple Monkeys, remember them?), who tell me it is YOUR fault or THEIR fault that this keeps happening. Ugh! Damn SPM…

So, my sponsor or another who may know me just as well is going to give me the feedback that is essential to my recovery. My self-searching is not going to help me heal. And even when it DOES help me get to the crux of the problem, I am going to need help, and lots of it to get to the correction part of this.

But I do love the idea that the wise are the ones who do this work. That my life will not succeed until I do. I have often been surprised that Bill W. never did these things. But I understand the power of the human ego, for all of us, even those who may not be addicted to anything. (Me, personally, still looking for that one!) This is simple stuff, but not the first thing we are going to jump into, that is for sure.

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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