April 5

HONESTY MONTH: DAY 5: “Never try to do anything that is outside of who you are. A forced smile is a sign of what feels wrong in your heart, so recognize it when it happens. Living a lie will reduce you to one.” ― Ashly Lorenzana

My spirit tells me instantly when I am being dishonest. I don’t always recognize the signs since I spent so many years covering them up in a thousand different ways. Drugs and alcohol were only a few of the things I did to run away from my own truth.

But our hearts resonate with truth. We know it when we hear it, read it, see it, feel it. We know the energy surrounding an authentic thing and when we are in the presence of dishonesty, whether it is ours or someone else’s.

Being authentic is difficult in a world that believes there are such things as “white lies” or socially-acceptable untruths. We learn to lie from the people who raise us as children, in school and at home. Our role models are people who lie, actors, athletes, parents, presidents and politicians, just to name a few.

We have been lied to and taught to lie to others in a culture that does not value the truth. Then, of course, we can talk about the subjectivity of “truth” as well.

Your truth and my truth are not always in alignment. I may see something one way because of my conditioning and life. You may have a totally different experience of the same truth. When we come into this whole recovery deal, we get to see that truth is very different from one person to the next.

I don’t need to convince YOU of MY truth. That is not the point here. And you do not need to convince me of your truth either.

The truth that lives in my heart is my most integral and honorable self. That is not in dispute with anyone. What you think of me is none of my business, as we have already read here. That is truth. What I do may have an impact on you, but only when you allow it to happen. That is also true.

In between these pieces of truth, we learn to re-evaluate and navigate relationships, using Step 4. It is the first step that is going to show us truth about what we believe and what we have done and may be still doing (most of the time, this is the part that kicks our butts!)

When we get to see that we are NOT aligned with our higher truth, we get to clean up the messes we have made and move into a new paradigm of behavior; hopefully. This often takes about 20 years or more, in my experience. We will do well for a week, or two weeks, maybe a month. Then we begin to fall back into the patterns of behavior that some of us have held onto for 50 years or more. It won’t happen in the first inventory or even the first 100.

We learn to tell the truth and to tell it in ways that are honorable and integral. We become less self-serving and selfish. We are more inclined to operate in accordance with spiritual principles rather than survival instincts. This is a long, very, very long process. Be patient and kind to your self as you go into this step. And trust that there are steps designed to help us clean it all up for a reason, just don’t use THAT as an excuse!

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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