HONESTY MONTH: DAY 3: “Keep your heart clear
And you will
Never be bound.
A single disturbed thought
Creates ten thousand distractions.” ― Ryōkan
Now THIS is a real challenge for recovering addicts. We think we are honest when we give our opinions to others. That isn’t honesty, it is our opinion. My experience in the world and in good human relations is to keep my opinions to myself.
This fosters good relationships. “Don’t ask, don’t tell” is my motto with this. If you don’t ask for my opinion, I work not to give it. Sometimes I forget this wonderful rule and regret it every time. None of us, not one single one, is going to respond well to others telling us what they think. It is none of our business.
I love that Chuck C. wrote so well about this; “What you think of me is none of my business.” If others insist on telling me, I really like to say that I do not remember asking. This has done wonders in the world of dealing with my family and other addicts who insist on telling me their opinions. I don’t care, for the most part.
I have a couple of dear friends that I will ask opinions from. The reason I ask them is that they will tell me what they honestly think. And I have known them long enough for their opinions to be weighted with trust that they don’t have an agenda at play. My sponsor is always free to tell me what she sees and what she thinks when I am weighing a decision. We have a wonderful process of how we get to the part where Universal Power is in charge.
This is important. For me, sponsorship is the free realm of where I will tell my sponsees what I see and what I think about what they are doing. Or when their mouths are spouting crap that sounds great in a meeting but has nothing to do with their actions in the world around them. I sit in meetings occasionally where sponsees share and am floored by what they say and how far that is from their truth. But I also know the process of recovery and how long it takes for us to see what the truth is.
And the spin-cycle we all get into when the Screaming Purple Monkeys (SPM) are running the show.
(Hahaha…I typed that oddly…monkeys like the band from the 60s Monkees…and funning the show.) I love my typos…sometimes very interesting.
Being transparent and authentic are the goal here. It won’t happen overnight. But when I challenge myself and those around me to find the truth in what they believe, we are all benefitted by a closer walk with the Universal Power and walking away from you-know-who (SPM!). This is an awesome journey!