January 26

ACCEPTANCE MONTH: DAY 26: “What is it about our expectations, plans, or ideas that hold such sway over us? It is as if we’ve written a script for a play of our lives that runs about a month ahead of actual life; if reality varies from what we’ve created in our minds we disengage or pout.” ― Holly Sprink

Isn’t this the truth? It is as if we wrote this incredible story book about life when we were tiny little kids and then demanded that the Universe produce THAT life for us.

She says a month in advance, I say years. And we have rules about all of it. Rules and ideas we made up but are terribly unhappy when they don’t work according to OUR plan. This, I believe, is the trouble with our ego. It just makes shit up and we believe it. Screaming purple monkeys!

Not once does this work out. There are times in our lives when we seem to be getting what we want, but it always comes home to bite us in the butt. My mentor and dear friend Danny L. used to say that we “can do anything we want in recovery, but we are going to have to pay the price.” I have, haven’t’ you? I have gotten my way and caused terrible messes for myself to clean up.

That is the nature of this journey. We get to see that what ego feeds us is making us sick, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. This we then blame on everyone else. And the Universe itself! I had a very long resentment with God when I got here. It did not go away for a few years.

Then I got to do this acceptance thing on a whole new level. And I could then see the rest of it on a whole new level. Step 1, over and over again. I do NOT agree with the adage that goes around the rooms that Step 1 is the only Step you can take perfectly.

Why not? Because we CAN get completely powerless over drugs and alcohol, people pleasing, practicing co-dependence, gambling, sex, texting, whatever our addiction is (or all of them!); but we cannot get completely free of our lack of acceptance for quite some time.

Recovery, as I have experienced it, is a layer thing. One layer at a time, in cycles of steps that apply to my old ideas and ego; over and over. Some folks use the analogy of peeling an onion. Doesn’t matter, the layers are there to protect us-ego defenses. We could not possibly arrive at this point any faster than we do. It takes many years of practice to get where we are.

And that, my friend, is the process of life; renewal, death, rebirth. I believe the seasons and the cycles of spinning around the Universe are all perfectly timed for the benefit of all of us, everything. A magnificent dance across the cosmos that we mostly do not understand, but we MUST absolutely accept. And only one thing stands in our way…Screaming purple monkeys of our ego. They tell us it is wrong when things happen we cannot explain.

And then the battle begins again. Step 1 is an ass kicker. Recognizing my powerlessness in this Universe is always stepping in to upset my story book. And that, I think, is so amazing and perfect that I have come to love and respect how it happens, every time! Take that, you stupid monkeys!

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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