January 8

ACCEPTANCE MONTH: DAY 8: “Reality may not be what you want it to be, but it is the reality you now must face. You can deny this reality and try to wish it away, or you can accept it and not waste any energy on wanting it to be different.” ― David W. Earle

Yeah, I had this conversation with a couple of people yesterday. They both had opinions and judgments around some things that are happening in their lives, both having to do with their view of someone’s behavior.

Getting all caught up in THAT! It is the crux of our trouble in relationships. We want the other person to be something else or do something else. In other words, we want to “control and enjoy” them to be what we are comfortable with. Hahahahaha!

That never works. Even when others comply to make another happy, they do it with resentment and hurt feelings that they were not accepted as they were to begin with. This sounds so simple, yet it is the constant refrain of broken down relationships.

This Acceptance thing is THE KEY to the kingdom. The central concept to living in peace with the world and our lives, with other people, animals, whomever or whatever.

It is futile to attempt to control or train others to behave in ways that go against their inherent nature. What if?

We entered every relationship with the idea that we could let the other person be who they are, talking over any bumps or clashes in ideology or behavior as they come up; constantly renegotiating the contract of that relationship WITH THEM, out loud, in a conversation instead of stewing on these things until we end up leaving?

We worked through these issues in ways that were healing, and solutions were found?

We learned that no one is here to please US; and that it is our job to make ourselves over when things cause friction?

We just learned to accept that life is here to sand us down by rubbing against our rough spots until we stopped being so demanding and childish?

We let go of all the ego that thinks we know stuff like; who should be president and how that should look; what our children should do in college, school, home, with their mates, with their children, etc.; how others should drive on the highways or what they are doing in the first place?

Knowing and ACCEPTING that none of this is any of our business. We have a role, a very simple role. To do what is in front of us-our part; and let go of the outcomes, ALL OF THEM!

This is recovery, this is the work that is here in these steps for us. There is no one on this planet whose life is any of my business. I don’t get to tell others what to do. I am really, really smart, but I do not know what others are here to do.

I will, and have, and will continue, to direct others back to the steps. This is how we get to get rid of all these rules, judgments, and old ideas that are pure BS anyway. Until that process is completed, in my experience, many, many times over many, many years, there is no truth that can seep into the minds of those who are so ego-based that they think their opinions are important or should be adhered to in all cases of life.

Let go and open up to learn! Make up your own mind instead of parroting what others say. Your journey doesn’t look like my journey. I won’t work to make it so. Get on your own path and stop trying to direct others on theirs. If you don’t know what yours is, how the hell can you know what someone elses’ is?

The work is on your acceptance, not theirs, not mine…YOURS!!

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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