October 25

DISCIPLINE MONTH: DAY 25: “Self-discipline is the ability to organize your behavior over time in the service of specific goals.” ― Nathaniel Branden

Step 10 is a discipline… a daily practice of being honest with self. It does not benefit you or anyone else unless rigorous honesty is applied.

We all have the barometer of our behavior. The madder I get about something that happens, the more it is likely to be something I have to clean up. Ugh! I hate that! (haha! I typed… “I ATE that… haha!) It is true.

I am going to be uncomfortable when I have done something wrong. No matter how much I want to put it all on the other person, I am the uncomfortable one. This has proven to be true for so long that I cannot find a single instance where it truly was someone else’s fault.

It is always about me and my attitudes and behaviors. When they are wrong, I feel bad. When they are okay, I am not going to be angry with what someone else is doing or has done. It is just that simple. I am wrong when I look at you and what you are doing, no matter how much I may think it impacts me. It is YOUR business and I am letting it get to me.

A very challenging concept for most addicts. No matter WHAT you are doing, if it is bothering ME, I am wrong. Okay. Sit with that for a minute. This is the nature of most of the long, drawn-out discussions I have with sponsees. They do NOT want to accept this basic truth.

And yet, it is a basic truth. Whatever you do, it is NONE of my business. Whatever you think, it is NONE of my business. Whatever you feel, it is NONE of my business.

When I make it my business, I get balled up. That simple. And I am wrong, every time.

We can learn so much about basic human interactions and relationships in this piece. When I let YOU be YOU and ME be ME, we are going to be okay. When I try to influence YOU, so I can feel differently, we are going to be in trouble. YOU are NOT here to please me, with your ideas, your thoughts, your attitudes, your behavior or any of it.

So, in this form of discipline, I practice accepting my part in all the problems I have… ALL of them. If I am troubled, it is my fault.

If I have done something wrong, I will know it in my gut. And, deny it as much as I want to, it is my wrong to clean up. My mess. And what a great gift to have such easy guidelines to follow for this stuff. It is brilliant and clear and easy, and I get to own myself and let you go. Wow! This is awesome, and I love it more every day.