October 9

DISCIPLINE MONTH: DAY 9: “You will never get what you’ve never had if you never do what you’ve never done” ― Unknownimous

This quote is the sign off a friend of mine uses, with a slight variation. His says: “To get something you’ve never had, you must do something you’ve never done.”

Well, I can tell you without a doubt that I NEVER told anyone I was wrong. I NEVER did a daily assessment of behavior and attitude to see if I needed to clean up anything. This is a new practice for me, just as not drinking or doing drugs was a new idea when it was first presented to me.

It NEVER occurred to me that it was my responsibility for the health of those relationships I wished to cherish and nurture. Really? I truly believed it all just magically unfolded. I looked at you and you and you and tried to make you see how your behavior and attitudes were the problem. Then, I would force my will onto you and all would be well.

I can tell you that this NEVER worked, not once, not ever. There were a few sad folks who tried to love me under those conditions, but God did they suffer! Of course, as soon as I got them to do one thing, my demands became greater each day. I was a never-ending source of pain and frustration, because there is not enough love in the Universe to make me happy.

Not when I am dead inside. Not when I believe that the only thing(s) that can satisfy me is more. More of your love when I hate me more than anyone. More of the things that are killing us both to begin with, the drugs and alcohol. More of you bending to my will, so I can capriciously change my mind every other second.

God, I hate who I was…it is not at all surprising that I was constantly wanting to die. I could not live! So, I HAD to do things I had NEVER done. It only made sense.

Although I was highly skeptical (and still am sometimes!) that telling you when I was wrong was a good idea, it works! I have found that I must be smaller than I used to be to live much, much larger.

And we get to do that here. I get to know that I am not here to run you ragged in order to satisfy some insane need I think you are here to satisfy. I need to learn to be with you and you and you, in whatever relationship we can negotiate. If not, I am doing this all wrong and seeing it all wrong. If I can’t “play well with others”, then I need to not play at all. Sometimes that is my best bet.

I am not here to make you happy, that is your job. I am here to serve the Power that brought me here, and if you are one of His kids, then that means you too. Not to be a slave to your desires and whims, because I know that dance altogether too well. But to get along, to communicate, to understand and be understood, to “RELATE.”

I love this step. It was the worst one on the list the first time I saw it! And today it is one of my favorites. But you guys know me, whichever one we are talking about is always my favorite. I could not and will never want to live without them.

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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