April 15

HONESTY MONTH: DAY 15: “Seek not the favor of the multitude; it is seldom got by honest and lawful means. But seek the testimony of few; and number not voices, but weigh them.” ― Immanuel Kant

Being the traditional day of taxpaying, I think this is the best quote I had. And even more so during the election madness that reigns throughout the land. It is a lovely freedom to stand outside the crowd and allow it to go insane without needing to participate. My opinions are of little value, I do not need to argue or defend them from anyone…in fact, there are only 1 or 2 people with whom I get into discussions about personal opinions on any of these things. I certainly seek the testimony of only a few. And they are persons with whom I feel intense levels of trust and reliance. Even then, my voice is the only one I listen to when it comes to making decisions of any type. Today there are folks actively engaged in controversial arguments and attempting to engage me, but I do not bite the bait. I am able to stand outside their circle and watch with no investment. I used to really admire people who were able to do this. I was so triggered by the hubbub and chaos of that realm. It has taken a lot of practice to disengage. Mostly it means that I don’t get included in a lot of the activity around these folks, but I have no desire to get included when it really comes down to it. I can stand aside and watch the passing parade. These same folks get all worked up about things that do not need to live in my heart or my mind. I am busy creating wonderful things and enjoying the beauty of the world around me. I don’t see that there is anything created in the chaos, except stress around fearful arguments and needing to be right. What a gift to walk away. As a cute saying I found online goes: “not my circus, not my monkey.” I love that. Today I am okay with being a solo entity, identified with no group, having no allegiances except to myself and the path I walk. Even then, I do not associate with anyone specifically. I have some teachers and mentors and friends with whom I share myself deeply, but no attachments that would influence how I do what I do, other than that which lives in my heart and guides my path. I have always admired Ghandi for his solitary devotion to his cause. I do not know him personally, so cannot account for everything about him; but his cause was just and his devotion unwavering as far as I know. And he had supporters, but did what he did without popular consensus or following for many years. I always wondered if I could be that devoted and true to a cause and today I see that I could walk in the face of adversity for something that was deeply connected to my soul, even when others were against it. I got that here, in the process of the 12 steps, especially Step 4, where I have found myself, my true self, over the course of the years and the practice of going deeply into who I am and how I feel and what I believe. What a gift!