July 13

PATIENCE MONTH: DAY 13: “Patience is constant internal action that allows you to remain calm and best handle whatever unpleasant thing you’re faced with. The trick is to not let the negative feelings coming from that thing stay for too long—to reach down into the well that is patience, bring it up to the surface, and push it out around you, make it emit from you like a force field.”― A.D. Aliwat

One of my early ways to practice patience was not very healthy physically. I am a sun lover. I am solar-energized and need to be out in the sun all the time. I lived in the desert area of Palm Springs for the first 12 years of my recovery. Lots of sun, and I baked in it.

I know, I know, but I did. All that So. Cal vibe from my youth. I baked on the beaches and I baked in the desert. How I could lay still was to read…I am a book junkie! I read everything! During the winter, and trust me, I know this is truly insane; I went to tanning booths. They are like coffins you get into and close the lid. I wasn’t crazy about them, but it was a 30-minute thing I did a couple of times a week. It gave me the feeling of being in sun when there wasn’t any. I know the effects are deadly, it will most likely be the cause of my death someday. (Unless my tendency to say what I think pisses someone off and they just shoot me…that is highly likely as well.)

Anyway, laying in those beds was hard because I am so claustrophobic. And you cannot read, so I would meditate. So crazy, but it was during a time in my life (about 2-3 years) when I worked in a very fast-paced and demanding job. This was how I found peace. And I learned to lay still for 30 minutes at a time. Today I don’t practice my addiction to the sun. I am outside almost as much, but do not live in intense heat any longer and never go into the tanning booths if they still even exist. I am much more cautious, but I do recognize that the damage is already done. However, I am able to sit still and meditate under any and all conditions now. That was the beginning of learning to do it when I was uncomfortable in my environment.