October 19

DISCIPLINE MONTH: DAY 19: “Discipline is not something which can be forced, we can make people realize its importance, that’s it; In the long run its the responsibility, commitment & a self-improvement attitude – which runs it.”― Shahenshah Hafeez Khan

Another new quote. I really have to sit with these sometimes. This one validates everything I have seen and experienced since I began this journey into recovery.

But there is something deep inside me that rebels against it, nonetheless. The rebellion is not that it isn’t true. It is that I want to know why. What is it that stops people from continuing to develop and grow when they so easily can follow this path?

Ego is always the answer that comes. That people become immobilized behind their fears, set other priorities that are more Ego-based than this work, and then bemoan their fate and blame God and the Universe for their “bad luck.” I see it, but do not understand. It is so seldom my experience.

It is laziness, fear, whatever name we give it, but it exists and is real. I have hit my head up against this for a long time, not within myself so much as with the clients, sponsees, friends, and loved ones who just will not do this work until they are curled up in a ball of pain.

That attitude of “Fuck It” is huge. That overwhelming sense of insecurity and fear is too big for people to overcome. The story told by Ego is all lies, and we may know it, but listen to it and allow it to drive the bus, over and over again. Even when we see the damned bus going over the cliff, many of us will not take the opportunity to jump off before the crash.

I thank the Universal Power every day for the work I do, for the incentive I have to keep taking care of my heart and my spirit before my ego. Some days I slip up on this, but not to the extent that I am curled up in a ball of misery. It is subtle and powerful, all at the same time. I can feel it when I am off track and, thankfully, able to steer back onto the path I want to take.

This discipline shit is certainly the best choice I ever make, even on days when I have to it more than once.

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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