COURAGE MONTH: DAY 18: “The only tyrant I accept in this world is the ‘still small voice’ within me. And even though I have to face the prospect of being a minority of one, I humbly believe I have the courage to be in such a hopeless minority.”― Mahatma Gandhi
Step 8 is about me becoming accountable for the things I do in this world. I had a long list in early recovery. Long. I wanted to justify and explain myself in many ways, but did not. I knew just as I know now when I was doing something wrong. I have always known. It lives inside me.
Those things were all cleaned up over time. I have one amends left that has never been done, because I have never been able to find an old boyfriend I really messed up with. I have looked in all the places we have available, but cannot find him. I don’t know if he died or what happened, but I believe it will happen when the time is right.
The small voice inside of me is something I always had. I would love to deny that it bothered me when I did wrongs to anyone, but I always knew. It was always living inside me, and I hated myself because I did not want to be that person. I genuinely believe we all want to be other than we are. Fear is the driving force behind behaviors that are not in alignment with spiritual principles.
We either serve the Universal Power or we serve Ego. There is no way to do both. And yes, there are sometimes very lonely times when we serve the Power. Life can be a lonely road when we live a life of Spirit. It is not the popular path. And that is okay with me. I don’t want what the popular folks are getting. My life is amazing and rich. And that is what I always longed for anyway! I feel good inside and out almost all the time. Peace!