HUMILITY MONTH: DAY 24: “There is no one who would not rather appear to know than to be taught.”― Quintilian
This quote reminds me of every class I took in my 50s. I went to school for 6 years and got 8 degrees in the process, some of which overlapped, but each degree required a specific set of individual classes as well.
Every time I started in a new class I would expect that I would know all the material. It was an interesting thing to observe about myself. I am a good student and have always done well in school, but I was never in a class to teach; and yet, I felt like I should or could.
My first graduate course in Addiction was horrible, because the professor, who had a doctorate in psychology, did not believe in the disease concept. She challenged me and my 20 years of experience in working in treatment. Ugh! Because of our battles in the class, I was able to really see my stance on how to work more effectively in the disease treatment. It was eye-opening, but I also learned from her what the problem is with many people who believe it is all about bad behavior.
Anyway, my arrogance was on full display for me during this time. My need to prove myself in this environment was powerful and Ego is in full charge of this kind of endeavor. I had quite a few battles during this time to overcome that fear and insecurity in new ways. It stretched me a great deal. I do not really need to prove myself at that level any longer.
In fact, the amount of work I have done since obtaining those degrees has mostly been used in a volunteer capacity, since I only worked for about 8 or 9 years after that. The one thing that did come as a benefit of all the degrees was the opportunity to become a so-called “expert” in treatment and the writing and teaching jobs that came after. I also get to work in court settings more often as an expert witness. That is fun and interesting, but pays nothing, unless I am testifying for a trial, which seldom happens.
But all throughout this time, I have still not overcome my need to know more. I have spent a good part of each day of my life studying something that comes up in my world. It is good to be teachable, but I need to remember that it all dies with me. The funny part is that Universal Power keeps me humble when I am talking to someone about a topic where I am somewhat educated and I cannot remember specifics, like times or names, etc. It is truly humbling to lose one’s memory all the time! Such is life!