HONESTY MONTH: DAY 26: “You can’t lie to your soul.”― Irvine Welsh
At the end of the day, we will end our lives with the certainty of everything we ever put into this world. If we perpetuated dishonesty, we have that on our souls. The only thing that has ever made sense to me is that I got to this 12 Step world when I most desperately hated myself for the way I was living. It became apparent to me that I could clean up my messes with these steps and learn to live differently.
I wanted to learn to listen to the voice of my spirit instead of the voice of my ego.
My soul was troubled, and I hated myself. I was not redeemable, but was still given this path to redemption. Not in your eyes, because proving that to you does nothing for my soul. It is within me that I must find redemption, not from the world around me.
That is such an important factor. That my soul is the source of my freedom and my sense of belonging in this universe. And it has always known the truth, the sense of whether I am being honorable or self-serving.
Because we get this tremendous Grace it is sad that so few pick it up and use it. They are still working to make life happen while grasping desperately at Ego-based ways of believing and living. It won’t work. They may not drink or use drugs, but are dying inside and terrified all the time. The soul will not rest with dishonesty. It cannot. We all know the feeling of living inside less than what we truly know in our souls to be right. I know I have felt that many times, long into recovery. It informed me mightily the power and love I am given by Universal Power to truly get honest within myself.
It is a beautiful gift, I believe, to be given this dynamic barometer of honor and integrity. I don’t know that I would walk this path so truly if I did not have the discomfort I have when I let things slide or live in half measures.
I am grateful for the demands of my soul that I learn to become more whittled down to truth every day. It is an amazing thing to me, because I did not know it would be like this, and I cannot imagine life being worthwhile as much as it has become because of that.