FAITH MONTH: DAY 10: “Faith don’t come in a bushel basket, Missy. It come one step at a time. Decide to trust Him for one little thing today, and before you know it, you find out He’s so trustworthy you be putting your whole life in His hands.”― Lynn Austin
I liked this new quote a lot when I was gathering, so had to look up the author to put it into context for myself. (She writes Christian novels.) Not as exciting as I was hoping, but I still like the quote.
This is exactly how I did this Step 3 kind of faith. I made a decision to turn my addiction and some parts of my life over to the care of the Power, most of what I was willing to turn over were the parts of my life I had destroyed in my addiction.
There were parts I was not about to trust anyone or anything else to handle, so they were not on the table. These were my love life (like I had one!) and some other personal habits I KNEW were going to get removed if I did not guard them well. Cussing, riding Harley Davidsons, hanging out with the bikers, etc. I had enough Catholic indoctrination to know that the church condemned all of the things I loved best in my life at the time. There was so much judgment around my life that I was not willing to make that decision all the way.
Anyway, a little at a time, as it unfolded, these things were removed by virtue of the fact that they began to be uncomfortable for me to participate in. I did not expect that. I think my greatest fear was that in order to stick around this recovery thing, I was going to have to “get good.” I had tried for so much of my life to fit within the confines of my family, the world around me, and to be a “good” person. It never worked. I could not do it. And I never have been required to do it to remain in recovery.
What HAS happened is as the quote says, I ended up “putting” my “whole life in His hands.” Why? Because I have hit my head on so many brick walls as I tried to retain the power in my own life. Not a good plan. It has never, however, been necessary for me to “get good.”
I don’t practice Catholicism, I still cuss with gusto, I can ride Harley Davidsons whenever I get the chance, and road by myself for a bit. I can do whatever I want with my “love” life, or not. I can be a good person who does not care one iota what others think of me. Judgment and condemnation don’t fit into my life at all. They belong to others, not me. I am the best version of Kelly I have ever been. And I am HAPPY. For me, that is the litmus test. I heard “happy, joyous and free” when I got here. I did not believe that either. But, I have had it for a long time. It comes from becoming REAL and AUTHENTIC. Those are what I have gotten here. Not good, but real…honest…transparent…faithful…in love with the principles and steps that gave me this great feeling about myself and my life. Hope you get it too!
Dolphin Hug 