ACCEPTANCE MONTH: DAY 9: “You have certain ideas about what should happen… expectations. And if life is not moving that way, something is wrong. Nothing is going wrong! Life is going on its own, only you have some fixed ideas. So drop those fixed ideas. Life is never going to follow you… you have to follow life. So if it is muddled, be muddled. What can you do?”― Osho
Life will never follow my demands, ideas, expectations or rules. This was a huge breakthrough for me when I had it. I realized that ALL of the dysfunction and resentment in my life stemmed from the weird belief that people and places were controllable by me.
Yikes! What an incredibly arrogant place to stand…and I was THERE! For so long, I redoubled my efforts and tripled my efforts, to no avail.
I manipulated, conned, connived, pleaded, begged, sweet-talked, yelled, screamed, pushed and pulled at life and its people. Thinking that, if “only I could manage better” I would get and keep a handle on this thing. Not my drugs and alcohol, but LIFE! And everything it contained…relationships, jobs, people, animals, friends, enemies, strangers, traffic…I REALLY thought I could manage all of it, or at least some of it, on any given day, when I did it just right I would get MY way….HAHAHAHAHA!
No one could see my vision of how life should be lived. I had made it all up and tried my damnedest to push it onto all of YOU. And it NEVER worked…never! I hated this so much for so long.
Life is an amazing adventure. What makes it most beautiful is to step outside of ME and see the vista, the vast horizons that I had never seen before, being SO trapped in my small little view of things. SO incredibly self-centered that I could not imagine the Universe I inhabited. I was missing the whole f-ing thing! Wow!
And so angry that none of it was going my way. Thank God! But it took a really, really long time around here, with a huge number of steps being worked, before I got it that this whole thing is none of my damned business. What???? Really???? Huh…imagine THAT.
So, I love life today. I have learned to say thank you to the Universal Power for every surprise. I seldom know what to expect, and that is a really, really good thing for this maniac, power-play, manipulative control freak. I cannot plan enough to meet life head-on. I get to do less every day to plan what should happen and how it should look. Life does not care if I meet it with makeup on or not. Does not care if I make the perfect dish that day. Does not care if my car is washed or I have a list. Hahahaha…I love the muddle…right in the middle of the muddle. Best seat in the house!