December 7

LOVE MONTH: DAY 7: “I guess that’s just part of loving people: You have to give things up. Sometimes you even have to give them up.”― Lauren Oliver

It always means we have to give them up. There are always going to be times in relationships with others when we have to back up and let them go to where they are supposed to be. In refusing to see or do this, we are hurting ourselves and the other person.

At the least, one of us is going to die. So that will be a huge letting go and giving them up. But, I believe that loving others is always a process of giving them up to be who they are supposed to be or want to be and allowing them the dignity of making their own way in this world.

For me, THAT is the entire definition of really loving…to allow and accept and bend and flow with others in whatever ways works for both parties. When we don’t agree on these terms, we are holding hostages, not loving others.

Guilt, shame, blame, regret, demands…these are the tools of toxic relationships. Bribing others with money or some form of payment is prostitution, not love. I know I have recognized times in my life where I whored myself in the name of love. Someone was willing to pay me in various ways for me to remain in relationship with them. This is not love and never will be.

Any form of security or gain in financial or emotional stakes is the same…prostitution and hell, for me. I cannot imagine believing myself to be loved when that is the price tag.

If I stay with a relationship because of guilt, shame or because it is the “right thing to do,” I am equally unable to call this “love.”

What most of us believe about love is extremely toxic and scary. And yet, we do it all the time. It is the saddest thing in the world to call it something it never was or can be. We seldom know how to really love anyone, but the Universe will continue to give us opportunities to learn.

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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