September 27

FREEDOM MONTH: DAY 27: “If you want to be a slave in life, then continue going around asking others to do for you. They will oblige, but you will find the price is your choices, your freedom, your life itself. They will do for you, and as a result you will be in bondage to them forever, having given your identity away for a paltry price. Then, and only then, you will be a nobody, a slave, because you yourself and nobody else made it so.” ― Terry Goodkind

What an interesting name. Goodkind…hhhmmmm…sounds like a setup to me. It allows judgment into the conversation, doesn’t it? Yikes! I am capable of being both, as I define them. However, anyone else’s definition is going to be different because these terms are all subjective.

Okay, back to the quote; that is a real dilemma. So many of us were brought up to believe that our parents had wise counsel. Why? We are born into this patriarchal social order. It sucks! No one in MY family had any wisdom to provide. Their judgments were harsh and resentment-filled, and bitterness was ruling the day. Not people I want to take counsel from at all.

Their beliefs and views were terrifying! One was a hypocrite and could not tell the truth if her life depended on it. The other was SO prejudiced and hateful about every old harm that had ever been done to him that he was angry ALL the time. Both of them raging drunks and addicts. Okay, so that did not work.

I refused to be the daughter they wanted me to be. Refused. Instead, I did what I felt was right for me and they never, ever got okay with that. Too bad. I did. After some of the abhorrent addict behavior, I got cleaned up and found my footing, which neither of them ever did. But I have no strings with the past or those people. I want nothing from them, nor do they have ANY say in my life or how I live…absolute freedom.

Being a slave is trying to please others and paying ALL of those prices with your own freedom. There is no other way to be beholding to others than to keep them placated and happy. The plate-spinning goes on forever. There is no loophole or allowance for anything other than adherence to their way of seeing things. We are not allowed to think or breathe for ourselves. Not something I want in my life. I see it all around me. Ugh! Miserable people keeping everyone else miserable. For some idealized something that is going to make it all worthwhile someday. My experience is that there is so much anger and resentment and pain involved that no one ever sees the end of the cycle and nothing, absolutely nothing, makes it all worthwhile. Relationships get blown apart and everyone develops diseases aimed at codependent people. 5 times more people die from this horrible behavior than any other disease in the world…Cancer, Diabetes, all Back disorders, Heart disease and stroke, obesity, all causal with codependence. ALL of them. Stress, tension and suicide; and, of course, this is the leading cause of addiction. Wow! Seems like smart people would stop. Yeah, right! Freedom has its price…you are free! Oh! And not involved with all of those horrible diseases. Great price…thank God I paid!

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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