FREEDOM MONTH: DAY 17: “Freedom begins the moment you realize someone else has been writing your story and it’s time you took the pen from his hand and started writing it yourself.” ― Bill Moyers
This is what happens to us in the life we live in addiction. We believe our own BS stories about how others have done things to us to destroy our lives.
We hate them and retaliate, or do things to others because of what we believe about who they should be (and are not) or what they should be doing (but are not.) None of that is true. When they come up on our Inventory, we get to see that it is our perception of these issues that is wrong.
Example: My mother used to hit me, and it causes me trouble in relationships, because I still hate her; and cannot get along with women. The truth is this: Mother probably did what she knew to do to discipline a bratty kid. The ONLY reason that you have trouble in relationships is that you refuse to take responsibility for your bad behavior and continue to blame others for what is not working in your life. It is never going to change until YOU change your stories. See?
So, we make amends to Mother and that is something like this: I have been a terrible son/daughter, blaming you for all the wrongs I did. I refused to grow up and act like an adult. I am ready to begin to do that now. I will not continue to blame you for what I have done for the last ____ years. I intend to continue my work in the Steps of 12-step recovery and to grow more into the adult I could have been all this time. In doing so, I will be a better son/daughter to you, because we can interface as adults. I am no longer going to act like a petulant, bitter two-year old. I ask for your help in letting me know if/when I slide back into that behavior. Thank you.
NOW I am free! Mother is no longer writing my story. I get to be the author in every situation like this where I see my wrongs. (BTW: this will work with all the other relationships that are like this as well.)It was never the problem with others, ALWAYS us.
I love this stuff. It is all about RELATIONSHIPS 101. Sadly, too few of us ever get this kind of freedom because we continue to hang onto the BS about others. I love my freedom. Hope you get yours, too.