FREEDOM MONTH: DAY 7: “The greatest fear in the world is of the opinions of others. And the moment you are unafraid of the crowd you are no longer a sheep, you become a lion. A great roar arises in your heart, the roar of freedom.” ― Osho
What if we all just roared like lions…a few of us do. It is okay to be so free of others that you are no longer concerned with that passive-aggressive dance of “being nice” to everyone, even those you know are not your friends.
I am getting so free with this. I have quit being such a people-pleaser and have become very good at not participating in the social game of co-dependence and BS. It is okay if you don’t like me…I love to be able to say that and REALLY mean it. I am okay, absolutely okay with that. I don’t have to impress you or anything. Wow!
That took forever. But, it truly began with my first 9th Step, because as I told you I knew I had behaved like an asshole, I was not into being “forgiven” by you. I was just doing what I needed to do to clean up my insides and move on with my life and recovery. I did not know my shoulders would be less burdened by carrying the weight of your disapproval of my behavior.
Of course you disapproved! I knew that before I was an asshole to you, most of the time. In fact, I often did shitty things to people because I knew they disapproved of my addict behavior. Well, I’ll show you…and so it was.
But there is a very, very long thread that moves through all of this. I always saw these things in tiny sound bytes, but it is all connected; one thing to another. I felt your dislike of me and made it as bad as I could. Then, when I told you how wrong my attitude and behavior were, you were free and so was I. I did not once look for redemption with you or your approval. It did not matter any longer. I could see the dislike and let it be. And so it goes.
We need to really look at those who are on that 8th Step list and see why we are so nasty to them. If it is because they are too much in our business, perhaps that resentment is the passive-aggressive behavior we are coming back with. This is not unusual. We want to be free to live our lives on our own, without that kind of judgment and constant advising. Happens more often than not. We all want to be accepted for who and what we are. It does NOT begin with them…it begins with us.
When I get okay with me and God, I don’t mind if you are not on board. Someone will be. I will find my tribe. And I will be fully happy with just me and God as that happens. It is a beautiful thing. I roar like a lion, and I love the sound.