July 22

PATIENCE MONTH: DAY 22: “Sometimes, the scariest thing you will ever have to do is trust God to fight the battles you can no longer fight.” ― Shannon L. Alder

Yes! This is the toughest lesson for most of us, people, not just addicts, to learn. We are not here to go to battle with anyone.

It just makes us insane. There is no “winning,” especially when it comes to changing someone else. That is an exercise in beating yourself up.

Every day I am here, I am more and more reluctant to go to war with anyone over anything. I want to live in a state of ongoing, continual surrender. No fights.

And I am a scrappy one! I love the idea of waging war, must be the Celtic blood in my veins. Or could it be the enormous ego I was born with and have hand fed for all those years? Not sure, but I am scrappy. And a fighter…I have told you before, my name means warrior.

Geez! And there is nothing to win! The best I can be at any particular time is happy. And I find that losing the war, over and over, is the happiest I can be.

Truth be told, I have never won a battle. Never. Even if I get someone to succumb to my way of thinking, it never FEELS like a win. Isn’t that something? I think so.

So, when I add up the evidence, there is nothing to win. Damn! Why, oh why, do we fight so damned much anyway? Fear…Ego’s best and most powerful weapon.

Every war, every personal battle, every time there is conflict, the overriding pattern amongst all of those involved (and all of those with an opinion!) is FEAR. What a terrible, corrosive and ugly thing it is!

So, why on Earth would it be so scary to let LOVE (GOD) rule? I do not know, but it is the truth. I want to be supplicant to only that. Letting go of my need to fight.

So, perhaps I can wage my battles against the greatest liar I know…Ego…Purple Screaming Monkeys…(SPM)…full of nothing but made up stories and lies. UGH! Perhaps this quote is all wrong then. The scariest thing I will ever have to do is know the truth.